I think we can all agree that selfies are a little self-indulgent. In fact, that is probably where the word comes from. There is nothing worse than someone taking a duck-faced selfie with their tits pushed up, from an upward angle to hide their waddle.
There is nothing better than someone taking a selfie in the bathroom whilst dropping some heat, without realizing the toilet is in the photo. So here are the do’s and don’ts of taking selfies:
Do take a selfie to show off something, such as a new haircut, or a cold sore.
Don’t take a selfie if there is anyone else within a 4 mile radius that can take the fucking photo for you.
Do take a selfie if you want to send a naked pic to someone as a means to entice them into sleeping with you.
Don’t take a selfie if you want nude photos of yourself for your Craigslist ad, or to make your cousin jealous that he will never be able to hit that since you are related.
Do take a selfie if you are trying to communicate how you feel about something, and showing your facial expression is the only way to do it (i.e. you are a lesbian).
Don’t take a selfie if you want the entire world to pity you. Spend the time researching a good therapist instead, you pitiable attention whore.
Do take a selfie if you want to show someone your surroundings, especially if you are somewhere cool, like a jungle, or R Kelly’s sex dungeon.
Don’t take a selfie if you are on the toilet. EVER.
P.S. I have probably broken 90% of these rules, but I never said I was perfect, even though I look perfect in the selfies I take, from an upwards angle while I am peeing, sitting down.