To Celebrate the Season Premier: Annoying Quotes From HBO’s “Girls”

American Girls Dolls
Written by Gary

We all have that annoying 20-something girl in our lives that thinks her entire life is one existential crisis after another and constantly unloads all her emotional baggage on everyone around her. While it’s true that your 20s are a time when you are supposed to find yourself, you don’t have to inflict that on everyone around you. I’ll be the first to admit that I love the show Girls, but if I knew any of those little bitches in real life, I would probably run away and join a civilization of people who have to worry about things like food and shelter, instead of whether or not it’s healthy if your boyfriend punches your thighs during sex.

American Girls Dolls
Season 3 of Girls returns tonight on HBO, and to celebrate I have compiled a list of some annoying, yet memorable quotes from past seasons. If you aren’t watching this show, you probably should. Trust me, its much better than actually hanging out with girls like this.
Who the fuck names their kid Jessa? Nobody, that’s who.

I feel like I hold the keys to the prison that is my mind- Hannah

I’m socializing. I’m sorry if that’s not working for you, my social butterflyness- Shoshanna

Please don’t tell anyone this, but I wanna be happy- Hannah

I feel like Laura might be gay. Hear me out Laura, you hated having sex with your boyfriend even though he played hockey. And, and your vest- Jessa

I guess it’s classic to have to masturbate 8-16 times a night until your legs shake and you’re crying and you’re trying to make sure your parents didn’t hear you so you check their door 8 times- Hannah

I want you. I know I’m a mess, but I want you. I want to see you every morning. I want to make you a snack every night. And I eventually want to have your little brown babies and eventually I want to watch you die. – Marnie

Adam: I don’t hate your friends I’m just not interested in anything that they have to say.
Hannah: I’m not interested in anything they have to say, that’s not the point of friendship!

You should just enjoy your urine soaked life, fucking like the two feral animals that you both are. You’re gonna end up with a baby that you don’t know how to care for- Natalia

And I’m starving because all you have to eat in your house is your pet rabbit and I’m an undiagnosed hypoglycemic. – Hannah

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About the author


Gary is the gay guy that every girl wants to be, and every guy wants to be with (Mostly because he can't get pregnant). He is based in Manhattan, but loves traveling to exotic new people, and sleeping with interesting new places. He is an adventurous writer, digital artist, and game designer that will try almost anything if it makes a good story.
--Instagram: @garyadrianrandall --Twitter: @gadrianrandall

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