Invitation: Accept his invitation to meet in a calm, nonchalant manner, but undergo internal dilemmas over the possibly hidden implications of his request. Wonder if he wants to get back together. Dissect his text/phone call/email over drinks with friends. Pay extra close attention to the number and use of exclamation marks. Let friends make wild assumptions without questioning them. Wonder if you want to get back together.
Preparation: Get anxiety over whether to send a follow-up text/call/email confirming your meeting and to state that you’re looking forward to meeting. Get anxiety over how you can lose three pounds before meeting him. Get anxiety from visiting his Facebook profile so many times that your name is at the top of his “Friends” list. The night before ex-meeting, go out to relieve said anxiety. Make out with strangers; wake up in clothes from last night. Feel tired and smelly all day.
Makeup: Put on way too much. Rinse. Repeat. Rinse again. Apply more than usual, to cover up splotchiness resulting from so much rinsing and repeating.
Wardrobe: After trying on six outfit combinations that flatter either your boobs or butt, but never both at once, enact a mini-existential crisis on your bed before settling on your old staple: the black dress. Realize on your way to meet him that this is the dress you wore on your first date. Consider going home to change again to prevent him from taking it as a sign of you wanting to get back together. Wonder again if you want to get back together.
Initial Greeting: After practicing smiling with correct mix of happiness and indifference, make an emotionally indisguishable and visually frightening face when first seeing him. Cover up by avoiding all eye contact for the first three minutes.
Meeting Phase 1: Talk loudly. Gesticulate wildly. Embellish the resume and accomplishments of recent OkCupid dates. Laugh when ex asks concernedly if you’re ok.
Meeting Phase 2: Excuse yourself to cry for two minutes in bathroom. Be unsure of what exactly you’re crying about, but be certain that it’s in part due to his kind expressions.
Meeting Phase 3: Return to table. Apologize. Apologize for apologizing. Tell him honestly that it’s hard for you to see him. Let him touch your hand across the table. Remember first date. Get up to leave. When reaching up to hug him, knock hands with his and nearly get finger in his nose.
Departure: Take long way home. Notice extra number of couples walking hand in hand. Imagine they are totally happy or totally unhappy. Be semi-angry at all of them. Sing sad songs in your head. Resist calling anyone.
Peace-Making: Send text to ex days later, saying it was really nice to see him. Realize your phone changed “really” to “weakly”. Let him know you meant “really”. Try not to wait for response. Start actively refusing pity from friends. Stop wondering if you’ll ever get back together. One night, after spending the entire day alone without knowing it, feel really lucky again. Not weakly.
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