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I don’t know why people have problems with gold diggers. Many of you may remember the ultimate gold digger Anna Nicole Smith (sometimes referred to as a “oxy’ed up pig in pink satin”) and the backlash that came with her very public life. But the truth is that gold-diggers are the ones who have to sleep next to wrinkled old ball sacks and inhale the scent of pipe tobacco, gangrene, and formaldehyde. If they are willing to put themselves through all that for a few bucks then I say more power to them.
In recent polls, schematics, and studies it has been found that gold diggers can use numbers to determine where to find a man. The New York Post via Bundle.com did an analysis of credit card transactions to determine where the big spenders were eating, where they were shopping, and where they could most easily be tricked into impregnating enterprising women.
Unsurprisingly, affluent spots like The Standard Hotel, The Breslin, and Per Se were reported teeming with rich bachelors. Strip clubs like Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club and Rick’s Cabaret New York were also mentioned, but if you are going to pick up a man there you had better hope you look better than the dancers (read: Have more than 6 teeth in your head).
The Whole Foods at Columbus Circle was perhaps the most alarming mention with large concentrations of unattached single men. I personally like this option the best because it has a great buffet, and is full of people who care about their health/large assortments of olives and beer with ironic names.
So to all you gold diggers out there–its time to brush up on your technology skills and get smart about your search for the life insurance policy of your dreams. RIP Anna Nicole.
