Today’s thoughts are brought to you by my gradually healing vagina, this song, and true romance:
1) I Like the Idea of Playful Love. I think love should be filled with hearts, roses, good smells, and all that jazz… but every now and then it’s nice to have a nerf fight, wrestle, or break out the lightsabers.
2) Crappy Realizations. Sometimes (like right before my son’s birthday), I sit back and actually allow myself to think about everything that’s gone on in the past few years. My life feels like it’s moving at the speed of light and it’s hard to take a deep breath and digest even a quarter of what goes on around me. I do my best to savor all the sweet, beautiful moments with my cherub (really, he looks like a little red-headed cherub), but never seem to allow myself to actually process some of the feelings of disappointment I have (and have had) with Ben’s dad. At some point this morning I caught myself tearing up, not because I ever want to be close to him in any way again, but because I feel guilty about not being able to parent Benjamin as both Mom AND Dad. It’s a weird, startling feeling to know that you can’t control the other party’s style of love and affection for a child, and a calm, soft feeling that follows when I realize that I don’t need to- all I can do is the best I can and have faith that it’ll be enough.
3) We’re All Still Animals…
Sweetie, a lot of great men are raised by single moms. Pity parties are not pretty. Wipe your eyes dry. Toast your achievement of bringing your beautiful son into this world and promise to love him & protective until the end of days.
Oh and to find him a girl or boy just like mom. 🙂
Thanks, Samantha… no pity party… these moments only last for 5-10 minutes and then fade back into the sweetness and excitement of it all:)
Did you win and kill him? Or did you get done in before you got the key out of the door?
haha… it wasnt actually my note. someone else wrote that and it’s out there in cyberspace. i can spell “you’re” correctly, and i only live with my son and the nanny:)
Could have had BF hiding with wee one behind the couch waiting to do in mommy.