Bryce Gruber’s Thoughts of the Day (emotional cholesterol edition)

Love must be as much a light, as it is a flame.  ~Henry David Thoreau

1. It’s Been a Wild 24 Hours. I’m not even sure where to start… do I tell you about all the insanely good developments in my personal life or the fact that my friend Melody brought me a tight dress today that she is unable to wear due to the fact that she’s 7 months pregnant? I assume her awesome leather dress (which is only about 18″ long to begin with, skin tight, and strapless) is probably how she made that little nugget growing inside her. Needless to say I can’t wait to wear it (very, very far away from ovulation days). By the way, that’s Melody in the picture just casually hiding her pregnancy with a leather mini, no big deal.

2. OMG HE TORTURED ME. If you read my last thoughts of the day, you know I made a big ass of myself in my relationship with my boyfriend. I had a minor emotional panic attack over some really stupid stuff (pretty sure last weekend’s PMS totally f*cked me over), and then realized I completely shoved my foot down my throat when roses with sweet words arrived at my door a couple hours after having my major heart spasm. Yup, that’s how I roll. Anyway, because I don’t have a sitter on Monday nights (totally love being at home with Benny <3), Boyfriend and I had decided weeks earlier that February 15 would be our actual Valentine’s Day. By yesterday morning we were sort of back to normal, so he reconfirmed that we were on for Valentine’s Day dinner and that he’d pick me up at 7:30. He wouldn’t tell me where we were going, so I asked what the wardrobe recommendations were. He simply replied “look hawt.” So I did. I put on a tight black skirt, a lacey white silk shirt, fishnets, sky-high heels, and my most glamorous coat. He picked me up and took me to one of my favorite semi-casual restaurants that I had mentioned a while back (I never thought he’d remember). I was way over-dressed for this place, but it didn’t matter- I was happy to be there with him. And he exposed some chest cleavage to me by unbuttoning his shirt a little (I’m a total sucker for a good chest covered in hair, what can I say). But… the torture of not knowing exactly where our relationship was going was totally eating me up.

3. My Heart Is About To Explode, Punk. We headed back to his house after dinner to retire for the evening. In the car he had a box of chocolates waiting for me, all wrapped up with little foils that said things like hottie, be mine, and varied other sayings that you’d typically find on those little sugar hearts that we all used to get as Valentines in grade school. For whatever reason I thought to bring them upstairs with me and actually into his bedroom. We had a simply perfect night. It was intimate, affectionate, sincere, intense, and basically everything I could ask for- except he still had no sense of verbal affection. I needed to hear something like “you mean the world to me…” or “I’m so happy you’re in my life” or just anything that would indicate that the past several months have been of high value to him. Ugh. My heart was about to explode. Just the day before I told him “I need more verbal reassurance!” He responded with something like “Bryce, I don’t know exactly what you want me to say… but it’s still early in this relationship.” F*CK. I was pretty sure we were headed downhill when that happened, but by some weird force of nature things basically returned to normal when he text messaged me that he cares about me. But it was a text message, not looking into my eyes. Then, this morning when we woke up we were simply too lazy to go downstairs and make a decent breakfast, so we started to unwrap the little chocolates in bed. I started with hottie, passed him a be mine, and then realized 3 of the chocolates said I LOVE U. F*CK. I thought to myself “well, I can’t eat these.” So, because I have no emotional filter I actually turned to him, took out the 3 loving chocolates and said “you’d better save these for a later point in our relationship.” He said “no, you can eat them now. I love you.” WHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAT?

4. If That’s How You Felt Why Did You Put Me Through Emotional Torture?! Naturally I told him I love him back- because I do. I really love him. And I love his kid. And I feel lucky that he somehow magically appeared in my life, but what I can’t understand is why he saw me going through such emotional torture and just let me suffer? I asked him after 5-10 minutes of post-love talk cuddling. He said “didn’t your rabbi teach you that suffering only leads to greater pleasure?” WTF. I likened his actions to thick, emotional cholesterol clogging my love arteries and that if he hadn’t said those words in the next few weeks I might’ve collapsed from a love-related heart attack.

5. I Can’t Wait To Wear The Leather Dress. I also can’t help but wonder if the I Love You would’ve come sooner if I had been prancing around in a leather mini dress for the past few months.

UPDATE: here’s a pic of the love chocolate for those of you that asked…