Bryce Gruber’s Thoughts of the Day (I broke my vagina edition)

Yup, that’s right… my vagina, the source of all the best things in my life, is broken. You’re probably wondering how, and I’ll get to that, and why it’s the source of all the best things in my life. Well, my vagina produced my son (score!), and the most viral web content of 2010 (score!).

1) My Vagina is Broken. Before I get down to the nitty, gritty it should be known that I write these daily thoughts for two reasons. The first is that it’s like personal therapy to me without all the hassle of actual therapy, and the second is that these posts are good for traffic. I recognize that this post really will only hit the latter, because I’m pretty sure discussing my broken vagina publicly will only be a source of funny looks from friends, relatives, and perhaps the medical community. Sooooo… I had been in Canada for a few days and my boyfriend was away skiing, so obviously I was pretty eager to see him after several days of not being together. We had plans to see each other last night, so I figured I’d be a real sport and shave in preparation.  I know you’re thinking “but Bryce, don’t you laser your crotch?” Yes, I do laser my crotch every 6 weeks at Completely Bare, but I still have 2-3 treatments left so there’s a little hair that still comes through and needs to be shaved in between laser appointments.  Anyway, I went to Duane Reade (local drugstore) for some more shave gel to facilitate the whole shaving process and proceeded to get busy with general hair removal at some point during my afternoon shower. As soon as I put the gel on my beloved nether-region, bam!, instant allergic reaction. Allergic reaction to the point of redness, and feeling like my skin was going to fall off. It should be noted that I have somewhat sensitive skin, and this also happened on my thighs/legs where the shave gel made contact. UGH. I had no choice but to get out of the shower, towel off, and instantly douse my whole lower body in topical Benadryl. Super classy. You can imagine how thrilled my boyfriend was to get off the plane, text me that he’s coming over, and then be met with my response of “umm… but I broke my vaj.” It’s been nearly 24 hours and I’m happy to say that my vaj is nearly 100% again, and that he came over anyway.

2) You Know What’s Awkward? Finding your baby daddy’s wedding band in an old jewelry box when cleaning out your closet. Especially if you never married him, so that wedding band really has nothing to do with you at all. (note: it is being returned to him, but don’t think I didn’t consider melting it down and making earrings).