“When you get to a place in your life where it requires absolutely nothing to feel joy, the universe will send you a real reason to feel joy. When you get to a place in your life when it requires absolutely nothing to complain, the universe will send you a very real reason to complain.” -A mentor of mine
1. Cross-Eyed Girls Are Hot. I think I’ve mentioned before that once a week, every week, I take a philosophy class with a my friends Rebecca and John. Rebecca is an attractive, secure, strong-minded business woman in her 20’s, and by all accounts you’d never know that she ever had any type of confidence battle. But I guess in some way, we all do. After class tonight she confessed to me that she was born with a condition that left her totally cross-eyed and went through almost her entire life feeling somewhat insecure as a result, but managed to focus deeply on developing other personality traits to compensate for it. She went to a good college, graduated as a finance genius, and started a lucrative career in banking in her early 20’s. By the time she was 22 she was making a lofty six-figure salary, wearing Chanel like it was H&M, and doing whatever the hell she pleased… but she was still cross-eyed and insecure. At around 22 she also had a boyfriend that looked her squarely in at least one of her eyes and said “you should really get that fixed.” So she did. Even though she was brilliant, strong, and mostly secure she totally succumbed to the pressure of a man’s words (but who isn’t guilty of that in some way?).
2. At Least She Had Tits. She went on to say that she managed to get her groove on pretty often because although God gave her one wild eye, he also gave her enormous boobs… and she knew how to work ’em.
3. Harnessing Sexual Power. At 22 or 23 Rebecca surgically corrected her cross-eyed situation and joined the masses as a “regular” citizen of New York. In fact, looking at her now you’d never know that she had a surgery or even an eye problem to begin with, but the procedure definitely had some side effects. She had no idea that her corrected eyes, giant boobs, great smile, and brilliant mind would be the perfect storm for sexual prowess. Most women start to realize that their curves have power at about 15 or 16 when construction workers start cat-calling and the boys in high school start paying WAY more attention. In fact, women in general sort of learn to harness their sexuality to some degree by the time they reach adulthood. Whether it’s the way we walk, talk, dress, or gesture it’s all a result of the valuable lessons we learned in adolescence about our sexuality. Rebecca never had that chance, though, so she spent oodles of time whipping up her crafty brain, wit, charm, and a degree in finance… and now, well into her 20’s she’s totally aware that she holds all the power in the world in business, sex, and everything in between (sadly, they’re so closely related that it’s ridiculous).
4. The Lesson? Is that if most women spent half the amount of time on developing their personalities as they do on finding the perfect shade of coral lipgloss, they’d probably be harnessing all the power in the world like Rebecca, too. She’s young, cute, owns her own tech company, drives a fast car in a city where most people don’t even drive, and knows how to have a good time. So, whether it’s a cross-eyed childhood, being overweight, acne, poor posture, or any other abnormality, we should be thankful for the hard lessons we’re handed… they’re all subtle gifts.