The age-old question of whether you can die from using sex toys has finally been answered.
I don’t use sex toys very often (or ever, to be honest, since I have actual human dicks that are interested in my orifices), but I want to take a stand right here, right now, and say that if a sex toy ever gets jammed up my ass so far that I lose it, the emergency room is the first fucking place I will go.
Earlier this week, a 50-year-old British man died when a vibrator became stuck in his rectum. Like any other British person, he refused to admit there was a problem and left the sex toy in his body for five days before finally being rushed to the hospital. Willis was diabetic as well, and died from septic shock and organ failure as the vibrator had perforated his bowel.
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Let this be a lesson to anyone out there who has ever stuck anything in their bum:
- What goes in, must come out.
- Vibrators are kind of useless for men. If you are interested in ass play, get a big, nasty dildo with balls attached so it doesn’t get lost.
- British people should learn to be more open about life’s little problems.
- If you, or anyone you know has a sex toy lodged in any orifice, seek help immediately. Unlike baby corn and baby humans, sex toys will not come out on their own.
