Last month, the French government hopped aboard the progress train and officially nixed the term “mademoiselle” from all official paperwork. For a country that’s ordinarily miles ahead of America when it comes to touchy topics related to sexuality and gender, this small detail didn’t quite add up. English speaking countries have been using Ms. for decades, but up until the change, French women were still required to identify themselves as Madame or Mademoiselle whenever they filled out documents like a bank account application or taxes. Clearly, no one cared enough to ask ‘ze menz’ about their marital status. Unequal treatment sucks. Good call, France.
Not everyone was psyched about this change. After all, the French are notoriously protective of their language. And “Mademoiselle” does sound awfully pretty, I’ll give them that. To a lot of women, it’s probably more desirable a distinction than the coarser, business-sounding Ms. As small a detail as this might seem, the larger fact is that these tiny distinctions creep into interactions on a daily basis, not only on official documents. We get called cutesy names every day. And by complete strangers, nonetheless. Babe, sweetie, and honey are just some of the terms of endearment complete strangers feel comfortable lobbing at random ladies. While not every woman will find these patronizing (and they don’t need to), it’s hard to say that these names don’t invoke some romantic or sexual overtones. That they sit in a gray space between flirtation and ordinary social niceties. And that sometimes, they’re definitely meant to patronize.
Whenever I need a distraction from work but I’m too lazy to paint my nails, I like to wonder how a guy would respond if he passed an old man on the sidewalk who called him “sweetie”. I’m pretty sure double-takes would be involved. And the thing is, it’s not any less weird for me to be called a name that I’d ordinarily reserve for my grandma or boyfriend. I’m pretty good at knowing when someone means it in a basic friendly way, and when he’s using it as a form of talking down to me. While I think its harmless and only somewhat annoying (but almost always weird), I’ll draw the line anytime it’s used by someone in a professional setting. Unless that “sweet” guy who comes into my office twice a month to meet with my boss agrees to letting me call him “Blossom”, “Cutesy-Coo”, or “Babycakes”. Then we’ve got a deal, honey.
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