Hallow-erotic

It’s that time of year again, when 20somethings all over America engage in a familiar self-dialogue spurred by some variation of the question, “Will the breast glitter distract from the label on my ‘We Haul Wood’ lumberjack costume?” Fear not, naked sparkled one, the answer is no.

Halloween is a day of masquerade, a day meant for pretending you’re someone else. I ask myself then, why is it that a majority of girls dress as if they want that “someone else” to be a sexualized honeybee (insert: pirate, farmer, Disney character)? Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty sure no one confused me for a real batter on team “Player” in college, so I am in no way condemning the practice. Could it be that deep down we all have a desire to dress more sexual, and spend each day subconsciously suppressing that desire by wearing (more) conservative clothing in an effort to conform to what society deems “appropriate”?

I say embrace it. Unless you’re a hermit, you look for attention from the opposite sex (or same sex, not that there’s anything wrong with that). And, yes, although you can be attracted to someone because of their intelligence, when it’s 2 am and you’re in a crowded bar elbowing Pebbles on the left and Sailor Moon on the right, you’re looking to get some Halloween, in-full-costume ass. Unless you’re costuming yourself on a normal basis- and if that’s the case then this holiday really will be just another Friday night for you.

If you’re costume challenged, go to RickysHalloween.com for a variety of risqué Halloween costumes you can buy online and a listing of their store locations for a quick pick up. Here are a viable three out of the selection: 1. “Pin-Up Cadet” – All of your boot camp fantasies will come true! 2. “Frost” – A really cold Eskimo hooker? 3. “Wild Thing” – One part hunter, one part Native American, all parts sexy.

We all know that one girl who despises the sexualized Halloween costumes. She says they’re degrading, Halloween is only meant to be scary, etc. Let her know that in 15 years we’ll be happy throwing on a white sheet and using the real bags under our eyes as an accoutrement to a half-hazard ghost costume sported while taking our kids trick-or-treating. But until then, I’ll take one “Fantasy Saloon Flapper” costume and a pair of false eyelashes, thank you very much.