As anyone who lives in either the Northeast or Atlanta knows, this winter has been one righteous bitch. It has been so cold that on several occasions my own penis has threatened to cash in it’s 401K and move to a third world country, like South America.
This bout of inclement weather has lead me to several conclusions:
1) Mother nature must have one huge set of balls to subject all of humanity to this horrible weather. With no more humans left, who will haphazardly drill into the Earth and save her from all that pesky oil?
2) If mother nature has huge balls, then she must have an accompanying dick.
This hypothesis has proved true, as abominable snow dicks have popped up all over the Internet. They rise into the sky like frozen middle fingers, flipping the bird to all the people sitting in the sun somewhere.
Take that, Miami fucking beach. Here are five abominable snow penises to let you know exactly how we northerners (ugh, I can’t believe I just described myself that way) feel about the situation.