Every new relationship eventually reaches the milestone where you are either comfortable enough, or forced to reveal your actual facial features to your boyfriend. Many girls dread this, because without their makeup they think they look like monstrous albino beasts, plain chalkboards, or Chloe Sevigny. Other girls relish this, because waking up earlier than your boyfriend to make sure your eyelashes aren’t glued to your cheek is no picnic when you were up until 4 AM trying anal for the first time. Regardless of whether you are petrified or excited, every relationship eventually gets to this point. If you are unsure of whether your boyfriend is ready to see you as God intended however, here is a checklist to help.
It’s time your boyfriend saw your real face if..
You spend most nights together. If he was just into you for your smarmy lady-vagina he would get dressed after sex and make up some stupid excuse about why he had to be up early to feed blind, hungry, inner-city cat orphans in the morning. If he was that afraid of what you think, he wouldn’t fall asleep next to you for fear of farting in his sleep. If a guy is sleeping over a lot, he is interested in the real you, so its time to show him what that looks like.
You have met his friends. A guy doesn’t introduce you to his friends unless he is pretty sure you are a long-term option. I am not saying you should ever let his friends see your beat-up mug without makeup, but maybe your real face can be a sexy little secret between you two, like the time you mistakenly thought Sriracha during sex would be a great way to spice things up.
You are Facebook Official. Not that it takes much to become Facebook official, but if he has publicly declared in front of all the high school hoes that are desperately jonesing for an extramarital affair that he is your man, chances are he is in it for the long haul. You need to show him what he bought for the price of access to all his ex-girlfriend’s profiles.
You have done anal. Anal sex is kind of the ultimate trump card in a straight relationship. If you have given up the goods to him, you pretty much never have to wear mascara again.
You have a healthy self-esteem. Truthfully, even Sofia fucking Vergara looks different without her makeup. At the end of the day, even though make up probably feels like your armor, it is actually just a tool to accentuate what you already have. If you are really worried that a guy won’t like you if he sees your real face, then you probably have a lot bigger problems in your life than holding down a relationship. Either that, or you are dating a douche-bag of epic proportions that doesn’t deserve you. They always say that it’s what inside that counts.
And they are right.
Your vagina is inside you. And your vagina is much more important and effective a tool when it comes to getting what you want than a $3 tube of Ashley Olsen for Texaco lip gloss.
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