Your Husband May Be Lying If He Smells Like One of These Strip Club Perfumes

Your husband may be lying if he smells like strip club perfumes.

If you are married, chances are you have asked yourself at least once if your husband is out every night getting sloppy lap dances from strippers named Amber and Sunshine. I know some married women are cool with it, but most wives out there consider going to a strip club a form of cheating, which makes sense since it involves naked women willing to do things for dollar bills.

If you’re married, it’s only natural to wonder whether or not your spouse is being faithful, but barring lipstick on the collar or crotchal-region stripper stank, there really is no way to know for sure. According to statistics, 41% of marriages have to deal with infidelity, so chances are if you haven’t accidentally tripped and fallen on a dick, your husband has (or a vagina, or a dickgina, or whatever he is into). Luckily, there is one way to tell. If your husband comes home smelling like one of these strip club alibi perfumes, you can safely crucify his ass and use this article as your evidentiary support.
Manufactured by a South African strip club called Mavericks, the alibi fragrance line offers a little credibility to the excuses of their patrons. Now, when guys head home from the bar to their waiting wives, they can spritz on some “My car broke down”, “I was working late”, or “We were out sailing”. One whiff of the perfume, which smells like car grease and steel, coffee, ink, and cigarettes, or ocean spray and cotton rope, and the suspecting wife will believe anything she hears and fall back into her Ambien induced coma.
Luckily, I am here to blow this whole scandal wide open for you ladies. If you are dumb enough to believe your husband was “out sailing” at 3 AM on a Tuesday, there really is no help for you. But if you catch the scent of either of those other fragrances on his neck, you should immediately sniff his tightly-whiteys. If they smell like an $8 bottle of glittery designer impostors body spray your guy is probably a stripper-fondling a-hole liar, and should be kicked to the curb or the couch, immediately.