Every girl my age had their boy band of choice in the late ’90s. There were a shitload of options – Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, and Hanson to name a few. Because I have exceptional taste, I was obviously on Team *N Sync. Each of my friends had their favorite – mine was JT (with Joey Fatone in close second, not for sexual reasons but because he’s from Brooklyn and so am I and it’s basically ingrained in me that I support him in all of his endeavors, even Dancing with the Stars). I had a friend who was a diehard Lance Bass-er, a rare find. The only *NSyncer with less fans than Lance was Chris, and that’s probably because of the bleached pineapple dreadlocks thing that was happening on his head.
When Lance came out of the closet, I was happy for him. His unpopularity with the girls my age had always bred some pity in me, but knowing what I know now he was probably cool with the lack of 13-year-old girls swooning over him. Everyone wins!
UNTIL NOW. Bass, perhaps in a show of revenge, has produced probably the most godawful pop song from the most godawful pop group I’ve ever heard. If it doesn’t scream, “Fuck you, tweens,” I don’t know what does (Rebecca Black?). Heart2Heart, a five-boy band, has released “Facebook Official,” and the only thing more atrocious than the lyrics is the video. These boys are trolled in makeup like it’s prom weekend. I CAN’T.
