Our guide on how to have anal sex without pain will please you, guaranteed.
Let me be frank, I have had anal sex hundreds of times. In my mind, anal sex is the best because of the intimacy it creates with otherwise random people. The only problem is that anal often comes with a good amount of pain, since you are inserting a dick where no dick was technically meant to go, if you follow the natural rules of science. Still, since there is a g-spot in your booty, someone, somewhere must have intended that particular orifice be equipped to take a hard dick. Here are a few life hacks for how to have anal sex without pain.
Use lube. The most important thing you can do to reduce anal pain is to use good lube. Silicon lubes feel better than water-soluble brands, but aren’t as easy to clean up. Also, some lube brands don’t work well with condoms, so do your research first. Don’t be afraid to use a lot of lube. I’ve never done it, but you can also use a needle-less syringe to shoot lube up your b-hole before penetration. Just make sure there are no air bubbles. Nobody likes a beef, or a queef. This is the key solution when it comes to how to have anal sex without pain.
Stretch first. Just like at the gym, you can limit anal sex pain by stretching yourself out with your fingers, his fingers, or a butt plug. The idea is to get used to something going up your butt. It’s going to feel weird, like you’re going to drop a deuce, but just keep fingering.
Clean yourself. If you’re worried about shitting all over his schlong (sorry to be so blunt, but we are talking anal sex here), keep these cheap enemas on hand, and douche your butthole first. If you need directions on how to do this, Google can help. Not worrying about ruining your white sheets will give you more time to focus on relaxing your brown eye.
READ MORE: Analingus: A Straight Person’s Guide to Eating Ass
Take it slow. Even if that dick goes in an inch an hour, it’s your b-hole and you have to take care of it. The slower you go, the better. It’ll probably make him feel good that his dick is causing such a stir.
Breathe. When the dick first goes in, you have to try and make a conscious effort to relax. Pretend you just had your morning coffee and just relax your sphincter. You probably won’t be able to do this properly the first time, but try regardless. Remember how to have anal sex: breathing is key.
Get drunk first, but not so drunk that you can’t feel pain. You need to know if something is going wrong down there, but a little liquor can help you relax. This is generally how to have anal sex if you’re a straight person. Fact.
Don’t get high first. Unless you are a veteran pothead, weed will probably make you too cerebral, paranoid that your anal wall is going to collapse, and cause you to recede into your mind and focus on the pain. That is the last thing you want to do in this instance.
Use spit. If you don’t have lube, you can also use your own spit. I wouldn’t recommend this for beginners, but if you’re in a pinch it works about half as well. Just use as much as you can possibly muster.
Have an orgasm. I personally, have had an orgasm from anal without touching myself, pretty much like a woman. My sister shared with me that she has orgasmed from anal too (we are a pretty close family). So if you do it right, you may actually come out of it with a new favorite sex act, and one you can use to blackmail that motherfucker when the gutters need cleaning. I just realized that joke works on several levels. You’re welcome.
The pain will always be there. You can minimize it by doing all these things, but it will still likely hurt at first. With anal, there comes a sexy little threshold when the pleasure overtakes the pain. Until you get to that point, just grin and bear it. And by ‘it,’, I mean the 8 inch meatrod impaling your hindquarters.
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