Men Like Us ‘Cause We’re Leggy

I dedicate this post to the tall, gorgeous ladies in my life: Ashley, Maura, Danielle, Steph, and Alexis.  New York is a sea of slutty men, and just like seahorses, they’re all chasing after us… for our height.

It’s true.  According to the University of Zurich, short male seahorses go buckwild for tall, female searhorses.  Tall females, you know what I’m talking about.  There’s always a short guy trying to hump your leg, buy you a strong drink, or woo you with a shoe shopping spree.  And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, just think of Rod Stewart’s lame little body trying to poke every super model on the planet.

In the world of the big-bellied seahorse, it was thought that females were in charge of courtship.  Just like in the world of the tall luxury spotting ladies… Steph, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.  (quick side note: apparently there’s no oral sex in seahorse world)  Alas, science has given way to new information.  As it turns out, short, stubby seahorse dudes run around East Village-esque bars chasing tall, leggy ladies.  The taller, the better.

On a biological level, scientists at the University of Zurich believe that tall females produce tall offspring, which are more likely to survive.  I’ve gotta say, I’ve conducted my own research, and since I gave birth to my tall son… all sorts of short men have been up in my grill, trying to make their babies with me.  If’ that’s not scientific evidence, I don’t know what is.

Paul Bullimore, a marine expert, said: “They are making a purely practical choice. The largest female will produce the largest eggs, which are in turn likely to yield the biggest hatchlings with the biggest chance of surviving.”