These five nastiest sex acts take the phrase “Getting Nasty” to a whole new level.
I always thought I was pretty sexually experienced, but after discovering these sex acts, I think of myself as a prude, and proud of it.
As we all know, Urban Dictionary is the only place to go when you want to know the definition of something that Merriam Webster hasn’t yet classified as a real thing. The likely truth however, is that Merriam Webster doesn’t recognize these dastardly deeds because Merriam and Webster engage in such foul play in their off time.
This short list of dirty sex acts should be enough to keep your relationship interesting, or at the very least give you something cool to talk about at parties.
READ MORE: Vagina Myths: what you should know
The Alabama Hot Pocket– Otherwise known as the yeast infection waiting to happen, the Alabama Hot Pocket involves separating the vagina lips, dropping a deuce inside, then having sex with it. Other names could include The turd smuggler, and The Fudgesicle.
The Kentucky Klondike Bar- A great way to combine your love of frozen foods and sex, the Kentucky Klondike Bar is where you freeze one of your turds, and then use it to penetrate someone else. I hear this is how Alaskans with erectile dysfunction keep their wives happy.
Munging- Probably the grossest sex act on this list, Munging involves finding a recently deceased person in the newspaper (finding an actual newspaper is the first challenge), digging them up, and flipping a coin. The person who loses puts their mouth on the asshole or gennies of the corpse, and the second person punches it in the stomach releasing an excretion of bodily fluids called ‘mung’.
Kennebunkport Surprise- As if clam chowder isn’t gross enough on its own, this sex act involves sneakily filling your mouth with New England Clam Chowder right before you go down on a girl, then punching both your cheeks while you are down there, filling her vagina with seafood, and my evenings with nightmares.
The Panamanian Petting Zoo- Ironically I am writing this from my hometown in Panama City, Florida. The Panamanian Petting Zoo involves one partner picking corn and nuts out of a pile of poo, then tossing them onto the bed where the other partner eats them like an animal. There is no word on whether or not actual Panamanian animals do this, since I am assuming the petting zoos there are all filled with chupacabras.
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