We’ve all been here: in the heated and heart-thumping beginnings of a new relationship when everything feels on fire, in the best way. Fireworks are exploding, champagne is popping, and we’re walking hand in hand with imaginary forest animals and whistling our heart’s happy songs when suddenly, instead of songbirds, it’s only …crickets. The ever-dreaded love lull can add a heavy toll to any couple’s fare, especially ones just starting out. It can be way too easy to mistake a relationship’s comfy patterns for mismatching styles. But, it’s a natural point in any twosome’s path and, instead of rocky roads, can actually signal a peaceful and growing ease between us and our partners.
As nice as that is, sometimes all we want are those damn whistles and pops again. And so, here are some of the best ways to add some good ol’ spice to your new-ish relationship:
Stop planning. Remember how much fun you had stumbling into that karaoke bar on a random Sunday afternoon? How about the romp you enjoyed after your two Alabama Slammers and a turn at “I Got You Babe”? It probably would have felt a lot less fun had you scheduled a Google calendar event for the date. As much as you can, ditch the planners and make something else (whoopie, -out) instead.
Quit “should”-ing yourself. Bringing spontaneity back into the picture instantly ups the excitement-ante, and takes the focus off of those things you “think” you “should” be doing. Because nothing zaps more fun out of an activity than having someone tell you that you should be doing it. So don’t talk about being more spontaneous; the feature needs no introduction. Seize moments as they come: a puppet show in the park that you walk by on your way to dinner, picking up a special treat to share on your way to his apartment, or a deserted ball field just begging for you to get dirty.
Do the things you used to do. Go to concerts, make dinners together, write a silly or sexy poem for him before going to work in the morning, or send an old-fashioned love note if that’s how the whole thing got started in the first place. All those things will point you in the direction of where and when your excitement for the relationship was off the charts.
Go home alone. Probably the most counter-intuitive and thus, unheeded piece of advice when in the thick of relationship molasses, is not spending enough time apart. Of course, everyone wants to soak up together time at first; your natural attraction is what got you dating in the first place. But at some point, the novelty wears off and things like laundry or a job or Saturday mornings at the park start to matter again. And here’s where you can give a collagen-level boost to your relationship’s saggy parts, while also doing something for yourself. Make time for yourself or for your friends, doing something you love – work, play, whatever – without him. After a date together, go home all alone. You’ll have more to talk about when you’ve spent some time living your own lives; and the reunions will be that much sweeter.
