Brazilian dick is the best meat below the equator.
If you haven’t yet tried Brazilian dick, get your sweet ass to Rio immediately. It’s a pretty well-known fact that Brazil is chock-full of beautiful people with beautiful Brazilian butts, too. Brazilians walk around all the time looking like a damn Instagram filter with a natural light ring, and I am sitting here in the Denver cold, counting my pores in a mirror, across the room.
At least Denver is great for monster white dick.
Since I’m a homo though, you know this post is going to be about dicks. If Brazilian men are amazing, their dicks are even better. I don’t know any woman who doesn’t harbor some clandestine fantasy about being swept off her feet by a Brazilian lover and jostled away into a life that would shame a telenovela.
This, specifically, is where Brazilian dick trumps Jamaican dick, Moroccan dick, Mexican penis, Indian penis, and Chinese dick— combined.
Of all the dicks on the dick spectrum, Brazilian dick is the best.
Here’s why:
Prostitution is legal in Brazil. So Brazilian penises in general have more practice (you can check out these llegal ways to sell your body online if you’re not in Brazil). Years of having sex for money and practicing dick tricks has created a generation of Brazilian dicks that not only know how to use their penises for maximum pleasure, but can locate the clitoris using heat sensing technology.
That’s just science.
Brazil is #8 on the list of penis size by nationality, average penis size is 6.3 inches. That means that the average Brazilian dick is larger than the average dick in general. May the odds be ever in your favor, Katniss.
Brazil is basically the world capital for plastic surgery. Even Brazilian men with hideous penises have more opportunities to get a penile rejuvenation or enlargement. I always say if you don’t like something about yourself, get it fixed! Penises non-withstanding. Live your best life by reading these breast implant facts, kiddo.
Brazil is home to tons of nude beaches. That means you can go window shopping for the right Brazilian dick before you hop on it. Try it before you buy it, as we used to say back when I used to moonlight at Pier 1 Imports in college. If you’re in New York, here’s where you can legally go topless.
Brazilian men are also way more comfortable in speedos. Even on a regular old boring beach, you can still get a healthy eye-full of Brazilian dick. Just wear sunglasses so you don’t look like a totes perv.
Brazilian men have rhythm. As anyone can tell you, men who are good at dancing are normally good in bed, too. This goes double for Latinx men. And triple for Brazilians.
Brazilian men have passion. Brazilian men are well-known for being passionate. This also extends to the bedroom (get your adult rocking beds here). So if you are tired of bland generic white guys (not Italian penis though, that dick is great) what ride you like a Citibike over a pothole-ridden boulevard in Detroit, give a Brazilian dick a try.
Brazil is fucking gorgeous.It’s been on my traveling bucket list since I was in grade school. And the only thing better than visiting Brazil, would be to have a Brazilian dick inside you, whilst visiting Brazil.
So there you have it; my scientific analysis of why Brazilian penis is best. Have you booked your ticket to Rio yet?
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